| Farewell, A Long Time Coming... |
[31 Mar 2009|12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 satisfied |
] |
Dear LJ,
I'll be straight forward and just jump right out with the truth.
I've been cheating on you.
Yes, I've been blogging with another website. Blogger actually. Or Blogspot as he's sometimes refered to.
It's been nice actually. We talk about school and art mostly but I like it that way for now.
I'm sorry. You and I just haven't been working out. You had to have seen this coming. I rarely post any more and when I have it's been rather depressing or whiny. I'm really tired of it.
You and I go way back, I know, and I thank you for being the outlet I needed growing up.
It's over, I need it to be.
I won't lie, I may have my weak moments in the future and I may come back to vent but I've been trying my best to find other outlets of release for those emotions. Preferably creative ones.
I can't come crying to you anymore.
So goodbye LiveJournal. It's been an adventure.
Much Love Always,
Donia
rememberingamnesia.blogspot.com
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| The Key To Your Industry... |
[22 Mar 2009|09:38am] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
] |
It's hard to believe all the people I've met and the connections I've made in just a few months.
illustrators and animators. photographers and designers. performers and gallery owners.
artists.
I've been feeling quite fortunate and inspired lately.
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| Rehabilitation... |
[01 Mar 2009|10:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 listless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Air |
] |
You all have to understand that this week meant something to me personally. Not in a good way, mind you.
The changes in this past year have been beyond insane. I would never have guessed the current outcome.
What is special for one was hell for another.
That drug I had to give up...
I knew it was coming. I still couldn't let it go.
Who I was then is almost nothing like who I've become today.
I've decided that the happiness hurts more then the depression. I want to rip things apart.
And if I ever had to face it, there is absolutely no way I could handle it.
I wonder when things will be resolved...
It's recommended that one should seek help when quitting a drug. Rehab.
I had to go cold turkey. Rehab was not an option I could seek out.
Everyone's just a victim of bad timing.
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| But All I Ever Really Wanted Was A Piece Of You.... |
[04 Feb 2009|02:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
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thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Be Be Your Love ~ Rachael Yamagata |
] |
i've come to figure out that most of the sweetest little memories in my life involved people that i don't talk with much if at all anymore.
as nice as it would be to interact again i'm not as upset as you'd think.
these wonderful little moments have been coming back to me, they always have, especially lately.
i always think of these and all i can hope for in my life now is just more sweet little memories to add to the collection.
love is just a dream.
i guess all i'm trying to say is that i'm thinking of you and all you've done for me without even realizing it.
If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything
Everything...
Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
Was a little piece of you
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Everything will be alright
If you just stay the night
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
I want to be your love, love, love
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| I Can't Seem To Warm Up.... |
[20 Jan 2009|05:34pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
today was the start of something new and great for me.
all i want to do is smile.
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| Grading Scale... |
[16 Dec 2008|07:46pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
I gave myself the day off today. Starting tomorrow I'll be working everyday until i leave for Florida. I'll be needing every minute of it.
Did some Christmas shopping. Spent way too much. Still don't have a gift for the most important person tho...
Went to CCAD and finalized everything I could before the new year. Paid the last of my scheduling fees. This is it. Nothing more can be done until Orientation.
Final grades are in from Columbus State.
B in Psych. I'm happy. I know I could've done much better but I'll take it and prove it to myself when I take the string of Psychology classes in the next few years...
C in Arabic. haha I don't know how. I FUCKED up that verbal test and hadn't done any homework since the fourth week. Oh well, at least I get the "elective credit" at CCAD.
C in English. This here amazes me. When I found out that this class didn't count as a transfer I literally said screw it. I stopped going to class like 2 or so weeks before the end. I had been so stressed out by that class it was easy to give up when I learned of it's pointlessness. I to this day and probably forever will never know what grade I got on the first two essays i was breaking my brain to write for that teacher. My only thought is that I must've done Awesome if she gave me a C after not doing the last essay and obviously missed the last 5 classes of the quarter.
I think the only benefit from the passing "grade" is that CCAD Admissions will allow me to skip the Freshman Writing Exam because of it. Heh.
Here's to good grades in the new year because all of it will seriously count.
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| The Desire For Horizon... |
[06 Dec 2008|07:57pm] |
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mood |
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weak |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Wasted State Of Mind ~ And They Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead |
] |
Talking 'bout things we've seen
Paris to Oslo seem like dreams
Looking back, was it real?
You know how things sometimes feel
You can run but you can get no further than
Three city blocks from where you began
Caught in a wasted state of mind
Here you come, here you come
Now you're gone
Where will it take me?
Why am I waiting?
Caught in a stasis, feel like I've wasted all this time
With people and places who've never related or desired
I made a decision this week. It was really hard to make. Truly painful.
I told myself that it was in my best interest. I needed to look out for myself. I know that if I had asked anyone else's opinion they would've said the same. They would have never understood why the decision would've been complicated in the first place. But, I couldn't ask for anyone's help. This was my battle.
Then why do I feel like this? Why do I feel like I made the wrong decision?
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| Now We're Lost And Loney... |
[06 Dec 2008|07:28pm] |
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mood |
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bothered |
] |
I painted on this mask just to look outside and see a sea of white. I knew what this meant for what I had wanted to happen this evening. I tried to stay optimistic. I just now wish I hadn't been drinking all day...
I went outside with just the power of my two feet. I don't understand your whines.
There's something about this that makes the world just so silent.
These attempts at making friendships just haven't been working in my favor. There's probably a reason for this.
I was going thru somethings of mine and realized I don't own too much. I have one tote of things from before highschool. I looked thru these and really pondered if some of these were even worth the keepsake. I also thought about things I had once that I actually miss now.
I thought about the best gift anyone had given me.
The CD Jon Strong gave me before I left Florida for Arizona. Hands Down.
I attached that CD to a lot of memories and emotions in my life at the time. They had always seemed to resurface throughout the past few years as well. Every song meant something and he knew it would. He knew what to pick for me. He even added my favorite song to the collection without me ever telling him what it was.
I regret to say that it has somehow been misplaced though all the moving. I can't even find the case.
The past few months I've been trying to regather all the songs that were on it. Attempting to recreate his gift. Sadly, as much as I loved that CD I can't recall all these artists, just the sound of the songs and what they had meant to me.
i do look really pretty tonight... :/
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| End of Classes and One Girl's Plight to Become A GIRL! |
[04 Dec 2008|05:19pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
Holy Make Up on Donia's face Batman!!
I've actually been paying around with make-up since Thanksgiving, right after I finally gave in and bought some :/
Foundation, Eye Shadow, Lipstick, Eyeliner...
Fuck that Mascara tho man. I don't understand. I'm having trouble with the eyeliner but this mascara is ridiculous. I don't think I'll bother :/
I am actually attempting tho. I need to get into the habit of being a woman, I suppose. Eh, at 23? Oh well better late than never?
I'm still iffy about it all tho, I feel like I'm still messing it up. I also feel like I need more reasons to bother putting it all on. I figured I'd try playing around while in casual attire. tee shirt jeans, just going to class.
( More Pictures Of My Cake Face, In A Cam Whore Setting... )
Last week of classes.
Arabic final was today. Wow... yeah, I sucked at that :/ oh well, even tho CCAD will take it as a credit I still don't care too much. I was really bothered tho when I was done with the verbal the teacher seemed stupefied. "I REALLY don't know Arabic, seriously!" She just assumed that I was fluent because of my name. I've been telling her all quarter, I really, barely, know Arabic. She just didn't seem to get it. and then she asked "Don't you have any Arab friends?!" in a manner as if she knew my answer would be yes or something.
"Laa." I respond, meaning 'No'.
She seemed totally fucking shocked.
I'm sorry. I wasn't born with innate ability to seek out other Arab people as apparently most of the rest of them do. What a generalization she had made. I grew up in a totally different lifestyle to the Arabs in my class, she just couldn't get that.
I lied tho I guess.
I know TWO people of Arab decent. Kareem and Ramy.
Do I speak to them? Rarely.
Do I speak to them in Arabic? Hell No.
ugh. I need Rosetta Stone for Arabic.
Psych paper and extra credit due today, then the review. I'm feeling pretty good about it. I have a B in the class now. I'm not really expecting it too go much higher but an A for my first of many Psychology classes down the road would be awesome. The final is Tuesday. Then, no more til CCAD!! :D:D
Starting next week tho it'll be nothing but BJ's until my trip to FLA. Not only bills but Christmas presents :( Still debating how much I'll be working at BJs next year because of school. I suppose that'll depend on Financial Aid.
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| Selfishness. |
[03 Dec 2008|03:51pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
] |
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music |
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Happier ~ Guster |
] |
This is it my friends. It's me and me alone. No more attachments just a hope for more distractions.
I'm coming to Florida for the holidays. This will more than likely be the last time I return unless absolutely necessary. Afterwards I can't promise the best of connections, not that I've been offering much already. I don't know how much it may matter to any of you. I'm truly not the same person I was when you knew me.
We grow up, we move on. Life takes it's toll and changes us. For the good. For the bad.
The opinions are slowly no longer becoming a factor.
January will change everything for me.
I can't even tell you what is going to happen. I honestly have no clue what's in store.
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| Spontaneity And It's Practices... |
[27 Nov 2008|01:04am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
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music |
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Free ~ VAST |
] |
I watched it pass right by. The concept of it went through my head but there seemed to be no emotion attached. No panic or anger or stress. I just watched it go right on past. And so I risked it. I jumped on and rode it out as far as i could. Then I walked the rest.
My life's so much more ad libbed than I thought.
The other morning a had an aching crave for something I had thought I had been forced to give up on. I said Fuck It and gave in. Ended as it usually does but felt good nonetheless.
I've discovered that when I've distanced myself and attempt the disconnection I feel more empowered. I can see the independence in myself. I'm surprisingly content. The problem being I still seem to have a mix of fear involved that hasn't quite passed by.
Soon hopefully.
More distractions. I desire more distractions.
There have been very few secrets I've kept to myself but, there are still secrets. The rest I've shared selfishly. I care not anymore. I want to tell. I'm beyond the point of seeming pathetic. I'm finally noticing the stepping stones and what I'm changing into.
January, I'm so anxious for your arrival. The back up plans are what are keeping me intact, truly.
I sort of hate that I'm growing up so fast.
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| Happy-Go-Lucky... |
[25 Nov 2008|08:31pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Merry Happy ~ Kate Nash |
] |
new friends are a pleasant sort of thing.
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| I Want You To Notice When I'm Not Around |
[24 Nov 2008|08:33pm] |
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music |
| |
Creep ~ Radiohead |
] |
she asks me if i have a crush on him.
i respond that i'm not in middle school anymore.
but sure, i'll indulge you.
not a crush, not even much of an infatuation, just interest i suppose.
of course if he asked me out i'd say yes. i could survive if it never happened though.
my relationship with him, there's more that i want from it. he seems to be surrounded by the same walls as many others are here. bonds are hard to make.
there are others in field of vision. other interests.
he's just the most attainable if i had to define it. most of the others are untouchable.
it can be argued that he's untouchable as well but from what i'm hearing that might not be lasting much longer...
this interest.
my thoughts of him, i guess, can be compared with my feelings with nick when i first got to know him. it was merely an intrigue with him that i confused for romantic interest which i didn't discover until i got older.
intrigue.
that's a good word, intrigue.
it's like, i truly want to get to know him more, romance involved or not.
honestly, bottom line, romance or the like, i'm not looking for it. the crave for it is very weak.
what i'm aching for right now is a friend.
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| Transfer Students... |
[19 Nov 2008|08:58pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Gold Lion ~ Yeah Yeah Yeahs |
] |
I just got some paperwork from CCAD.
among them, paperwork explaining my transferable credits from Columbus State to CCAD.
Psych, no problem like I assumed.
I found out tho that the class I've been busting my ass in, English, would not be transferring over.
And.
Arabic, the class I had actually pretty much given up on, will transfer over as a 5 credit hour elective.
well fuck.
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| Love. |
[10 Nov 2008|01:50am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
there is no definition.
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| Dancing with the Devil... |
[31 Oct 2008|08:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
Last night I mingled among creative characters such as Ursula Octopus, Assorted Witches and Vampires, Jedi and an Ishi Tib, A Marijuana Plant that insisted that I legalize him, Roller Derby girls, Lela along with Dr.Zoidburg, a Legoman, Quailman and Patti Mayonnaise, Faries, ring masters, Mad Hatters, Pyramid Head, and Barack Obama.
Last night I danced on a catwalk stage with Mad Scientists, Megaman, Zombies, Edward Scissorhands, Lingerie models, Nurse Joker, a couple of Annadroids, Adolf Hitler, a handful of Lesbians, and The Devil Himself.
I lived another life last night with no one I knew, just strangers.
It was wonderful.
Libra
Your subconscious has a way of entertaining you throughout the day. The images that pop into your head are surprising, sometimes fearful, and often hilarious
This was my horoscope yesterday and it totally fit. I found myself daydreaming more than usual while at school and it was rather entertaining :)
I felt like someone different yesterday, I'm not sure what came over me. I woke up that way. I was rather content and positive and, i don't know, just in an overall good mood. I can't quite explain it. I just liked it.
<3
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| Questionaire :P |
[29 Oct 2008|07:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Freeze Pop |
] |
basics
whats your name?: Donia
what do people call you?: Tiger, Big T, Dee, Duni, Dunes, [Big] Double D, and then some
where you named after anything?: The World! Srsly.
if you were born the oppisite sex what would your name be?: Probably Nafi? My lil bro would probably be out of luck when he came into existance
do people spell/say your name wrong?: They spell my last name wrong, they say my first name wrong
if you could change your name what would you change it to?: I love my name! :D
gender?: chix0r
birthday?: October 19th!
age?: 23
age you act?: 6!
age you want to be?: 23's fine
height?: 5'11''
eye color?: Hazel
happy with it?: Yes!
natural hair color?: Brown
happy with it? if not do you dye it?: I'm okay with it. Sometimes I think of mixing things up.
righty or lefty?: Righty
family?: What about them?
pets?: Evelyn, Biskup, and Erik
peircings?: ears :P
tatoos?: nada
love and stuff
single?: yup
who are you with, or who do you want to be with?: your mom
are you in love?: not currently
have you ever been in love, if so how many times?: Yes I have been
do you believe in love at first sight?: attraction yes
is it possible to be faithful to one person for ever?: for some yes
do you want to get married?: It'd be nice but I wouldn't be surprised or even unhappy really if it didn't happen.
do you want to have kids?: I'm up and down about this.
how many?: If I have kids, no more than 2
do you believe in divorce?: I believe it happens
do you belive in true love?: yes
do you consider love a mistake?: no?
turn-ons?: Fun personalities
turns-offs?: Douce Bags?
do you think the oppisite sex finds you attractive?: That's a matter of opinion?
what is best about the opposite sex?: Humor
what is worst about the oppisite sex?: Ego Trips
are you a virgin?: no
do you belive you should be in love to have sex?: it's better that way? :/
right at this moment...
where are you?: In my apartment
what can you see out your window?: If I turn around
are you listening to music?: yes
are you lonely or tired?: both :/
use 5 words to decribe how you are feeling:: Currently? cold, tired, lazy, thoughtful, achey
are you talking to anyone online? if so who?: AIM is up but not talking to anyone
are you talking to anyone of the phone? if so who?: no
what are you wearing?: nothing
what are you doing?: filling this thing out, do you need my address now?
whats on your mousepad?: Purple
friends
how many true friends do you have?: It's questionable but I'd like to say a few.
are you a loner?: Lately
who is your best friend?: Nick/Mike
oldest?: Philip/Zanara
newest?: Lisa/Katie/Allie
shyest?: this is actually a hard question lol Most people I know are way beyond shy!
loudest?: Ramy?
smartest?: Kareem and Bo
ditziest?: Kim
funniest?: Um.. This is rather hard too.
Mike I guess
who is the best listener?: Nick. Thank you man, you've put up with alot of shit.
do you prefer to hang out with one friend or a group of friends?: either or, depends on who's in the group I guess
who do you wish you were closer to?: A few people :/
who knows the most about you?: Mike, Nick and sorta Brooks
who knows the least about you?: Some people at work?
who do you trust the most?: Nick
the least?: I dunno, I try not to keep many like that around
who do you fight with the most?: Mike? I dunno, I'm not much of a fighter.
:P
who do you talk to online the most?: Zia, Ramy, and Nafi's friend Katy
who do you talk to on the phone the most?: Nafimon
do you trust others easily?: sorta
who house were you at last?: Lisa's
who lives the farthest away?: Mike, otherwise everyone in FLA
do you....
smoke?: Hookah occassionaly
drink alcohol?: Socialy.
Someone come over and help me drink all this!
pray?: no
go to church?: no
sleep with stuffed animals?: no
take walks in the rain?: not here, the rain's cold in Ohio :(
dance in the rain?: I've been known to do so
do any sports? if so which ones?: Bowling!
lie a lot?: white lies?
steal?: no
gamble?: no
have you ever....
kissed a stranger?: yes lol
screamed so much you lost your voice?: Sorta
laughed so much it was painful?: Oh yes!
cried so much it was painful?: :( yes
gone skinny dipping?: no, just panies and bra
had a medical emergency?: yes
ran away from home?: not technically but some may argue otherwise
done something extremely unexpected?: uh yeah
slept outside?: yes
been onstage?: yes
deep stuff....
whats your biggest fear?: loss
what was your weirdest dream?: all my teeth falling out it was scary!
scariest dream?: TEETH! Otherwise dreams where loved ones die or other simillarities
do you have a reoccuring dream?: not exactly, simmilar themes maybe
what was your best dream?: :)
what IS your dream?: to be happy.
do you live in the moment?: yes
what you greatest stregth?: you tell me.
whats your greatest weakness?: PROCRASTINATION!
do you have a motto you live by?: not really
if your life were a movie what would it be called?: Art Is A Lie.
do you have any bad habits?: many
do you have any secrets?: who doesn't?
are you fake?: to my tables at work :P
what do you want to do in life?: travel, have fun, and be happy
are you a daredevil?: yes and no..
are you predictable?: in some cases
do you keep a journal/diary?: I have
if you could change one thing about you would you? what would it be?: Uh, Physically? I guess my tummy?
if you were someone else, would you be friends with yourself?: Oh yeah! I'm Awesome!
do you think your a good person?: yes
do you think your emotionally strong?: yes and no
do you regret anything?: No.
do you think life has been good so far?: It's been an adventure
what do you like most about you body?: My height, eyes, hair [sometimes] and lack of lady hips :P
least?: tummy, teeth :/
are you trust worthy?: I think so
are you gullible?: sadly :P
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